idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
