If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
