Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
