It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
God, I missed his penis.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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