I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
