This girl is more easily done than said...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The air taste purple.
Randomize