hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
