She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize