Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
