Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize