Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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