He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
