so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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