Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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