Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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