Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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