Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
