need another drink. this is the easiest way
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
