i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
