is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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