Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
