my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
