smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
