I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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