she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
