I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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