The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I got inside last night via doggy door
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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