Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
this just has baby written all over it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
