His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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