He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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