All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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