He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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