its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
