just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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