Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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