So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize