I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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