your parents love me but you hate me
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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