I cockslap morals
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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