She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
