the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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