I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
