Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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