he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How does it feel to date your dad?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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