It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
