well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
