If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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