i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize