All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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