Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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