he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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