got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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