this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
