how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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