I'm drive I can fine osifer
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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