He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm getting married
To pizza
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
