Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
