Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
