There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
