I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
