your room smells of hookers.
And success
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
