this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I want to fling myself into the sun
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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