There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
