Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
