foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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