a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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