on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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