I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
