hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have tasted many bathrooms
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
