I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
