i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
All I want is dick and wine.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize