why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
