I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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