i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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