When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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