why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
