I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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