Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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