apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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