just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just want to make out with him forever
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
