I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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