im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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