You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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