Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
