I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
