Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
