Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
