Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
