Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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