I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I got inside last night via doggy door
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
