i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
