if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Maybe he injected his testicle?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
