i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
