Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
