His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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