If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
