Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
