sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
