i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
